Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
