Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
