I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
