Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
