im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
