oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
