You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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