there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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