Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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