You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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