I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
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