When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
