I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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