I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
