I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
