Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
