Heybabeimwearingurpanties
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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