Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
