Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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