Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I can text with my tongue
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
