24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i think my cat just said my name.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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