2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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