I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
