someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
