You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
