Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I deserve this hangover.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
