Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
