i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
