I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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