i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
