What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
