You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
