just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
