She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
