If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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