I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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