Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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