HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
