i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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