im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
im on a boat
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