Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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