tell your sister to shave her snatch
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
