she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
