I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
