so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
