I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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