Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
