In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
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