sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
