hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
