It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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