No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
