UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
