I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
