i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
